For many years I’ve thought of carers as the forgotten millions. As a family we certainly felt forgotten on many occasions during my dad’s 19 years with dementia, both before and during his years in care homes and his spells in hospital, and given what I hear at conferences, events, through my writing, social media and email, little has changed.
There is just one subtle difference though – I feel the voice of carers is becoming louder, more persistent and more difficult to ignore. Slowly but surely there is a movement growing in momentum, spirit and immovability that will, I hope, one day ensure that the needs, rights, knowledge and skill of unpaid carers is recognised and enshrined in the fabric of society.
If anything it amazes me that health and social care have for so long undervalued the role of people who care for a loved one, be they a family member, friend or neighbour, near or far, living with complex needs and long-term conditions or someone older and/or immobile who requires crucial daily living support. There is no archetypal carer – they may be young or older or anywhere in between. They will undoubtedly have a life of their own that they will often indefinitely put on hold. I guarantee the majority will be driven by love and devotion, but exhaustion and frustration will also play a big part in their life. What unites them all, however, is the need for far greater support and recognition.
Support is vital because you simply cannot be a 24/7 carer for what may be an unspecified amount of time before the cracks begin to appear in your own health and wellbeing, your caring suffers and therefore so does the person who you are caring for. When the carer breaks down and then needs care themselves, there is often no one to care for them and indeed no one to step into their caring shoes, meaning effectively two people become highly dependent on society.
Recognition goes hand-in-hand with support, because if a carer is recognised as a carer there is more chance that their needs will be met, hopefully avoiding that crisis situation. Recognition goes further than this though. It is about seeing a carer and the person that they are caring for as a joint entity, rather than seeing the vulnerability of the person needing care and totally ignoring how that vulnerability also makes the carer very vulnerable. Recognition is also about valuing carers – their knowledge of the person that they are caring for is vital for any professional providing healthcare or social care for that person. That knowledge must be fully integrated into the provision of professional care.
How we make this happen in relation to healthcare is part of the new NHS ‘Commitment to Carers’ – an initiative that recognises that the health service can and must do much better when it comes to responding and reacting to carers, their needs and their knowledge. It must be hoped that this ‘Commitment’ will forge a workable, long-term plan that will benefit carers, those that they are caring for, and the professionals who should be partners in that care provision.
Very close to my heart, of course, is how we support those who are caring for a loved one with dementia. Very early on in the focus on dementia, the Dementia Action Alliance (DAA) was born (I am a national member), and from that we now have the DAA Carers’ Call to Action (CC2A). The aim of the CC2A is to:
“Ask the right questions, explore examples of good practice and find solutions to address the needs and rights for family carers of people with dementia.”
The fact that any of these initiatives exist at all is, ultimately, down to carers themselves. Despite being people with exceptionally busy, stressful and hugely demanding lives they have found time to speak to media organisations, effectively used social media to highlight their experiences and, perhaps most powerfully of all, have spoken out at many key events, often supported by fantastic teams from carers’ charities.
In the case of carers of people with dementia, this has often been through Dementia UK’s ‘Uniting Carers’ – a group that I am very proud to be a member of and very sad to see disbanding. Fellow members, alongside people with dementia, blew me away at last year’s Dementia Congress, and this year I was literally moved to tears hearing their often heart-breaking accounts.
Sheila Wainwright’s story in particular was something that a packed Congress hall of people with dementia, carers, health and social care professionals, business people and media representatives, alongside Care and Support Minister Norman Lamb MP, really needed to hear. Recounting her husband’s dementia, and the impact it had on both of their lives, Sheila told of the “Shear daily misery” of their life, how “No one” answered her questions, and that over the years “Many people came and went, and came and went” but there was simply no continuity of support for her or her husband.
Sheila admitted that she was:
“‘Planning how to end our lives before a call to Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline saved my life.”
Her husband eventually passed away in hospital after an agonising end to his life, with Sheila movingly recalling the actions of a nurse as her husband was finally at rest:
“That sprig of flowers put on his chest when he died was one kindness I will never forget.”
It can never be acceptable that we wait until someone’s death before we show kindness to their carer who has valiantly stood by their side as, in Sheila’s words, her husband:
“Screaming and snarled, pooed in the shower and pushed it down the drain, lost the ability to walk and talk, and went from 13 stone to just 7 stone when he passed away.”
Sheila said she felt bereft and bewildered. I had tears in my eyes from the pain in her voice and her story, and I know for certain that I’m not the only person at this year’s Dementia Congress who was similarly emotional. Although Sheila’s husband is at peace, the psychological ramifications of caring for him and all of the struggles that she faced live on two and a half years later. It is for Sheila, and everyone who walks in her shoes, that we MUST ensure that we care for carers.
Until next time…
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3 thoughts on “Caring for carers”
Hi Beth, I just saw your award on the BRACE facebook page. Very well done. Your blog looks hugely impressive. I shall certainly read some more of it.
Many thanks for your kind comments Rose, much appreciated.
All the best
Another great blog Beth, and thank you (and Sheila) for sharing Sheila's very moving story. It's shameful that carers are still having to struggle for their needs to be recognised, and it does a great disservice to people with dementia too. If their carers' physical and mental well-being suffers, so do they.
Thanks also for sharing information – I didn't know about CC2A! As a dementia carer and relative newcomer to social media, the sheer volume of info is overwhelming at times. There are so many dementia charities/ voluntary organisations, websites and blogs, and it's tricky to navigate all these without some key people gently pointing the way. You are one of those people!
Oh, I nearly forgot to congratulate you on your 'Best Independent Voice' Award! Well done, so well-deserved. Your Dad would be bursting with pride! 😀
Rose Harwood xxxx
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